(yes, those numbers are significant but no, not my credit card number in the title of this post. it is storytime. i promise it’s only the tiniest bit sad. ok let’s go.)
0511 | 0411 | 0311 | 0211 | 0111 | on eleven
yesterday for the first time in a long time, i felt completely fucking freeeeeee.
how free?
about as free as i was, around this same time of year, 6 years ago, looking out over singapore from the 40somethingth floor-to-ceiling glass window at the marina bay sands hotel. i was about to fly home and graduate uni after 5 months on study exchange. and maybe i knew that in the moment it would be one of my last of complete freedom cuz before leaving the growingly nostalgic views from my friend’s smoking-ok hotel room, i lit a cigarette and held it, untouched, just enjoying every second of that moment. (peep the feature photo of this post)
and yesterday, may 11th, staring at the ceiling tiles from the floor of the music room, next to a black yamaha grand piano, after 10 years of procrastination finally posting my first video on youtube, i wuz on cloud 9.
but not fully 9, maybe cloud 7.5
7.5/10 happiness is not too shabby tho eh?
i want to say that im doin good, maybe better than ever.
and while it’s true that 7.5/10 happiness is the most ive felt consistently in a long time, it’s also impossible for me to not share what my life looked like 4 months ago today.
im trying to keep things light because honestly ive dragged on writing about it this for so long already- it’s difficult to get back into that headspace without staying there, but if there’s one promise i’ve always kept is that i will never not be tru and transparent to myself. also i have found the solution to getting myself back up.
so how bout let’s work thru it together, one date at a time?
April 11th: Day 7/7 of my one full week of ohanami.. damn do i have a lot to go on about pretty pink flowers (here, here, here and here)
March 11th: the day aftur a breakup but also a new car mod
Feb 11th: one of the THE BEST fridays of my life (best friday of life and BFoL 2021)
Jan 11th: the day i thought i was done with life
yeaaaaa fuck that’s a dramatic way to end this post but idk how else to frame my reality rn.
just know that i am ok, i am building my family, my support team from the ground up, and im so thankful for those who showed up for me in the darkest hour.
they say that if u can’t handle me at my worst, then my best is literally the same, except i probably brushed my hair. (tbt another singapore instapost caption yes u love it but DW i not only just brush my hair now, i learned how to give myself salon blowouts !! !!! *k bye peasants, blows kiss*)
thats all for today folks. plz watch my youtube vid n then rewatch it over n over, ok dank u ily ttfn,
A
anntanya 