0411-0311-0211-0111: goin around it

ORIGINAL POST BELOW

0511 | 0411 | 0311 | 0211 | 0111 | on eleven

edit 5/13: this is now part of the on eleven series

since forever, ive been obsessed with cherry blossom flowers, i mean who isnt really? but ever since leaving vancouver 10 years ago, i never really got to see them. i was in london, on for 3.5 years, then singapore for 5 months, toronto for the next 3 years and though i never forgot em, i think i maybe felt too nostalgic to go out of the way to find them in the places that didn’t feel like home.

last spring, i counted down the days till the leaves turned from pink, back to green, deactivated my social media and then doubled down on hitting some goals- making 10k, getting air suspension, and passing a kanji kentei in the summer amongst other things.

sakura season signifies major change, especially here in japan. they actually start the school year and oftentimes the fiscal year in april, aligning with spring. students graduate and start new grades, go to university, or enter new companies as “people of society” shakaijin literally translated.

last spring, i also found a photo with a long ass caption that i wrote in my last year of high school, my 17yo self reminiscing about the “past 10 years”. (yea i know what u’re thinking.. is this nostalgia inception? how many decades have i even been alive ?? feels like 3 lifetimes honestly.) but the things i wrote back then still ring tru today.

so imma reiterate,  but feel free to peep the original.

20 years goes by fast when u’re growing up. Time is best remembered in the moments we are most present. I only remember the good things but the best is always yet to come. And no matter how fast or slow I go, I am always exactly where I need to be. Here’s to the next step.

so this spring, having fully accepted that i will probably always be a nostalgic pc of shit n that is some of the best parts of me, i went ahead this year to celebrate the pretty pink flowers every fucking day for an entire week !! !!! it was great.

celebrated with about 15 friends over one weekend, from morning to dusk, with snacks galore, vibes af music, sparkly glitter sunscreen, naps with my djungelskog, dance parties on concrete picnic tables, thirsttrap photoshoots and more.

here are 7 pics not alrdy posted here (the pics here are epic btw i personally revisit them all. the. time. plz enjoy w me) for the 7 years i went without seeing sakura, and for the 7 days straight that i went celebrating them (ok it was actually 8 but im sure no one cares huhu).

 

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it’s been hard for me to write lately, or do anything for that matter. i kno ive been very real about my depression and anxiety but for me, its actually gotten too real that i cant do anything without worrying about what it evokes- pity/empathy/apathy/all or none of the above? but i realize that im not telling my story for anything other than my own honesty.

that’s the struggle having been through all this- i simply cant hide things from myself. as one shouldnt, right? that’s why im in therapy, i journal, and make daily voice memos, on top of all the other coping mechanisms.. i have to release or it sits and eats away at my soul.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  and maybe selfishly so, but letting the internet know (this site has racked over 15 thousand views) intriguingly makes my pain lighter. so thank u to everyone who has ever stopped by, and to u who are reading right now.

i think i’ve only been writing for myself these days and maybe that’s the way it should be since it’s just been me, by myself at the end of almost every day for the past 3 years.

but it’s not why i made this site, so that’s why i need to go around it.

in the mean time, pls enjoy the epic scenery on this detour.

guess i took the long way,

A